Ow you should have seen it!
by WatchTheWorldBurn
Summary: Just how exactly did The Joker spent his days in Arkam Asylum in order to keep himself amused?


**Title:** Ow you should have seen it!

**Author's note:** Okay, you all know the drill: read + review happy author :)

**Summary:**A funny little on-shot of how The Joker spent his days in Arkam Asylum.

**Disclaimer:** And again… The Joker doesn't belong to me (sigh)

I had this cozy cell with padded walls in Arkham Asylum. You should have seen it! And the uniform! You should have seen my uniform! It said 'Joker' on the nametag! It was wonderful!

O, and I was doing this thing with my physiatrists… HA-HA-HA! After _I_was done with them they were crazier than me! It was a laugh! I heard one of them actually resigned from his job at Arkham because he needed a _break_. And then he moved to Africa! You know, there was this guy who only lasted for two days with me and then he quit his job to become a car designer HA-HA! And there was this veteran physiatrist to whom I confessed almost ALL of my crimes… and he started crying!

But the best thing was that I learned how to play cards with my toes! Mainly because I was always stuck in that straightjacket… so I couldn't use my hands. But how can I amuse myself when I can't play with my deck of cards?

I even wrote a song! You know, with a lyrics and all. I'm positive it'll be the next hit when I get out! Get it? The next hit? WHAHAHAHA!!

O, and the Arkham Asylum also has this gym! Which I really love, because I enjoy working out! I do sit-ups, and beatings, and maiming, and heavy lifting, and torture, and I also clean up the stupid people that are in the gym but really don't know how to do exercises. Now, who needs those kinds of people on the fitness machines? They only hold up the inmates who seriously want to do some gymnastics, like me! So I have to chase them off all the time. Running around like that is also exercise, but I prefer doing something that doesn't end up with me in the isolation cell for another month…

Sometimes when I was bored I hit my head real hard on the sink. And I let the bed fall on top of my hands, so I'd get all these pretty bruises. They make me feel nice, they hurt real good. And the best thing is: when the other inmates asked me about it, I told them the Batman had come to my cell and beat me up! HIHIHI And they all believed me! But I was moved to another cell then. One that didn't have a sink on which I could hit my head. And there was just a mattress on the ground, no real bed. Pity… now I had to pick fights with people again, so I could let this energy out. And that was real hard, because I was in isolation for like… 99,99999 percent of the time. So I just picked on the guards that brought me dinner through that small hatch in my door. I grabbed their hands and didn't let go!

I also manipulated some guards to do me all kinds of small favors (giggle) so I got to spend a little time outside in the garden. I got my favorite books and they brought me cotton candy when nobody was looking. Hmmm I love cotton candy! And one of them even took me into the surveillance area and told me all about the cameras! That came in real handy when I needed some alone time with my girl, Harley. I'd take care of the camera's, talk one of the guards into letting us slip and then have the best sex a man can have in the staff bathrooms WHAAAAAHHHAHA!!

But then again, I'm not a man of privacy, so when I'm in the mood Harl and I just do it right then and there. You should have seen it! The look on their faces while we were making out! Nobody dared to tell us to stop or to break us up! It was a laugh! It just proves you can't mess with The Joker, right? Well, except for Harley then… she messes with me all the time… if you get my drift (snicker)

I have my own seat in the common room. I'm not there much, but when I'm out of isolation I'm allowed to have meals with the other inmates in the common room. The newbies never get that it's MY chair! Never! And if you want things done correctly, you have to do them yourself. So I stand up and break the new guy's neck. But then I get the giggles because of the funny noise he made (it sounded like a… fart!) and I have to clutch the table for support. Om my god, what a laugh! I never heard something like that before! And then the guards are all over me with their sticks and needles and I'm sedated and in isolation again…

But at least everyone now remembers that THAT was MY CHAIR!! And they have to listen to ME! No, no, no, no one tops The Joker! I'm ahead of the curve, I'm top dog, I'm in charge! I run the crowd! It is actually ME who leads Arkam Asylum, not dr. Arkham. No, no, no! It is me! Don't believe me? Come and visit me in my cell.

But do make an appointment first, because I don't have a lot of time.

**The End**


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